Welcome To My Life
by Gabriel Doolin
Summary: Lupin blames himself for what happened to Goemon.


This is a songfic done to Simple Plans Welcome To My Life. Well, to part of it. The episode being referenced is that one where Goemon is being tortured. Although I don't remember it much as I saw it with a friend months and months ago. XP Anyway, enjoy the fic.

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**Welcome To My Life**

Lupin sat on the edge of his bed, his head lowered but his eyes staring out the open window, into the night sky. His mind kept repeating the happenings from earlier, each time they didn't get easier.  
He never understood it. Why him? Why his friends?  
'If they wanted to go after me, then they should have left Goemon out of it,' he thought to himself, getting angry and upset all over again.  
"Leave them out of it, damn it!" he growled, punching the bed just as his door opened.  
"You okay, Lupin?" Jigen asked as he stood in the door way. He already knew the answer, he knew that Lupin was beating himself up inside over this, but he didn't know what else to say.  
"I'm fine," Lupin muttered, still staring out the window. "I just want to be alone, okay?"  
"Yeah, sure," Jigen said in almost a whisper as he closed the door.  
"How do you think I am, Jigen?" Lupin said as he put his hands in his face.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you_

Lupin remembered first stepping into the dungeon, seeing Goemon bloodied and battered, chained to a pillar as he was taunted.  
Something inside broke. He knew it was all his fault. He knew Goemon was in that condition because of him.  
'He could have talked,' Lupin thought. 'He could have told them anything, anything to make them leave him alone, to set him free.'  
But Lupin knew Goemon wasn't like that. He knew Goemon was too loyal for that.  
'Loyal enough to die...to die for me.'  
"But am I worth it?" he said, half expecting someone to answer only to realize once again he was alone.

_Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
But no one hears you screaming_

'And he was laughing and joking through all that pain, after all he endured. He's still my friend, doesn't put any blame on me, even though he was there because of me.'  
Lupin stood and walked to his door, pausing as his hand reached for the knob.  
'What do I say? If I hide anything, he'll know. If I say how I feel, he'll get angry. And if I say I'm sorry...he'll tell me I have nothing to be sorry about.'  
Lupin clenched his teeth as his jaw tightened, trying to hold in the tears that wanted to come.  
"And if I cry," he said as his voice broke. "He'll say I'm weak." He closed his eyes and smiled.  
'I have every right to cry, though. That should be me in that bed. That should be me who was whipped and tortured. That should be...'  
He looked up and glared at the door, inhaling and preparing himself to leave his room, to stand next to Goemon, to talk to him.

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

"Why?"  
Goemon opened his eyes slowly and looked up at Lupin.  
"Why didn't you tell them something? Anything?"  
"And if they found out I was lying?" Goemon asked in a weak voice.  
"It would have bought you more time."  
"And what was I supposed to tell them? What weakness are you supposed to have?"  
Lupin stood silent. Goemon was right. Even if he had said anything, it would have been seen a s a lie, as something too simple for a weakness.  
"My way was better," Goemon said. "If not for you, for me. I would have died with dignity."  
Lupin looked down, a hurt expression on his face, as Goemon closed his eyes and smiled.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark_

"It was my fault you were there," Lupin whispered. "I'm sorry."  
Goemon opened his eyes, glaring at Lupin as he walked away. "I took a risk," Goemon said.  
Lupin stopped, hand reaching out for the door knob.  
"I knew what working with you would bring," he continued. "I knew what I was getting myself into. But it was better than how my life was, so I accepted it."  
"Goemon..."  
"You would think you had endured all I did, the way you're moping around here. You aren't responsible for anyone but yourself. Next time you want to blame yourself for something, remember that."

_To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
But no one's there to save you_

Lupin lowered his head and slouched his shoulders, opening the door and walking out, going back to his room, back to being alone.  
He didn't know why he bothered, what the point was in trying to have friends.  
"He treats me like I have no feelings, like I'm just some nobody, someone who nobody cares about."  
He walked to the bed and sat down, bringing his knees into his chest and resting his head on them.  
"I do care. I am responsible. I wish you could see that, Goemon. I wish you could see..." He words ended as he began to sob.  
He didn't realize that as he was talking his door had opened, Goemon having forced himself out of bed and leaning in the doorway.  
Goemon sighed lowly as he heard the words, limping over to the bed and sitting down next to Lupin. "I do see it, Lupin," he said in a low voice as he wrapped an arm around Lupin. "I only wish you could see it, too," he said, holding Lupin as he sobbed.

_No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
_


End file.
